Here’s a few “possible” Season Three Spoilers:
• The United States releases its own version of Downton Abbey, starring Steve Carrell as Lord Grantham. It will only have about a quarter the wit and drama as the original.
• In a moment of infidelity, Lord Grantham goes into town and visits “Downtown Abbey.”
• Mary, a wedding and acne.
• “Isis”, found to be an American Lab instead of the heralded English Labrador Retriever, is promptly renamed to “Lucky” and given to Anna. Lord Grantham commands main credits no longer include the opening shot of the dog’s butt.
• “Dowager Countess” accidentally referred to as “Countess Dowager” causing a loss of honor so great, the Abbey implodes like in the end of “Poltergeist.”
• An entire 56 minute episode dedicated to a closeup of Carson pouring wine through a cheesecloth into a decanter.
• Some very pissed monks show up wondering why rich people are living in an abbey.
• “Free Bates” Social Media Campaign virally hits chalkboards, sandwich boards, pamphlets and the occassional “foreigner” in a t-shirt.
• Downton Abbey Extreme Makeover leaves O’Brien without her mustache bangs.
• American English classes start counting watching a Downton Abbey episode equal to reading a book.
• Many years pass after the end of Season Two. The place: Downton Abbey. The year: 2153. The planet: Mars.
• A PBS pledge drive is subtly written into the show. Sybil returns from a London trip showing off a PBS tote bag, exclaiming they are the “newest fashion.”
• Someone almost dies, quits, or gets fired, but then doesn’t.
• They just bite the bullet and call it “Downtown” Abbey.
• A “silent but deadly” human-based gaseous occurrence takes place.
• The word “negro” is uttered.
• Jay Gatsby loses fuel in his aeroplane and lands on Downton’s front lawn. Gatsby and Lord Grantham commence in a regal pissing match.
• A “very special” Downton Abbey. Edith becomes hooked on NoDoz pills while studying for finals. Nancy Reagan guest stars.
• Making a concerted effort to become less WASPey as the world diversifies, Matthew and Mary change their names to Matavius and MaryJeNeNe.
• Edith; ridiculous boob-job. Cascade of proposals follow.
• William comes back to life and returns to Downton. “Oh, yes. Id forgotten about you…” exclaim upstairs, downstairs and most PBS viewers.
• The Abbey runs out of starch. Several suicides result.
• It is revealed Bates’ leg injury was actually caused during his professional skateboarding career.
• A blue police call box appears, nay, materialises(sic) on the front lawn. A man with a long scarf and two companions walk out of the box.
• Maggie Smith’s final scene somehow involves “the middle finger.”
• City of Downton Minister proclaims dancing illegal. Skinny bow-ties come into fashion.
• Cora’s country-talking, musically-inclined cousin comes from America, played by guest star Clay Aiken.
• Thomas’ porcelain doll collection is discovered. Carson demands he destroy them or his immediate resignation. Thomas burns the collection, while smoking, crying and swearing revenge.
• S03E01 After frolicking with Mary in the snow, Matthew’s feet are struck by frostbite, and he loses the ability to walk for the rest of his life. Ten minutes into S03E02, he regains the use of his feet. Dr Clarkston proclaims frostbite “a mysterious and fickle affliction.”
• A McDonalds is installed in the abbey. Mrs. Patmore blames Daisy.
Mo